XAGON SPEAKS MOVIE REVIEW | TRANSFORMERS: THE LAST KNIGHT

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Good morning ladies and gents, hope you are doing better than I. On a personal note this has been the worst weekend I ever experienced. From personal to emotional. But enough of that, today we are proud to bring you our review of Rough Night…I mean Transformers: The Last Knight. Rough Night coming soon we promise. So without anymore delay, let’s get it!

THE PLOT

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The plot for this film derives around Optimus Prime going back to Cybertron. There he is reprogrammed to be evil and sets out to venture back to Earth or Unicron so that he can merge his world with it. Unicorn is revealed to be a Transformer itself in deep slumber. There is a sub-plot that centers around Marky mark where he is chosen as the Last Knight and the savior is also revealed to be British Megan Fox. Together they must stop Cybertron from penetrating Earth and in turn stop Megatron once again.

CAST AND CREW

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Mark Wahlberg plays Cade Yeager, who is a self-proclaimed inventor. Anthony Hopkins plays Sir Edmund Burton, one of the members of the Witwickham group. A society of Witwickis. Laura Haddock plays the new Megan Fox Vivian Wembley, a historian who is said to be a descendent of Merlin the wizard. Isabela Moner plays Izabella with a Z, the young feminist we saw in the trailer. Yeah she fights like a girl so what. Josh Duhamel plays G.I Joe, Colonel William Lennox.

MAJOR ISSUES WITH THIS FILM (RANT)

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Before we get to the “Set-Pieces” let’s divulge in the amazing garbage I was forced to endure for my $8.50 ticket admission. I go to the Regency in my town religiously with friends or myself and I have endured contrasting theater experiences. Never have I had to deal with the film itself stopping twice in a 2 and a half hour runtime. Babies cry and running around like little demons. Love kids and I want about 12 when I meet my wife, but I feel some people should test out condoms which I hear they are excellent in child prevention. Nothing against parents by any means. Lastly the film’s aspect ratio was abysmal. I don’t know what version of the movie the theater had, Chinese or Russian, but the type on the bottom right of the screen kept cutting off. There were elements of the film I couldn’t see, from minor plot elements to simply dissolving graphics. Point is this film was either not ready to be released or the version we had to tolerate was so advanced we couldn’t comprehend what was actually going on. Plus people really need to learn about rules. Turn your phones off and shut up. Not really a difficult thing to do.

SET-PIECESĀ 

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The first set-piece captures a group of kids going into this restricted zone of Chicago to see dead robots. This is where they encounter Izabella with a Z, and encounters a group of mercenaries that hunt Transformers down. Since there is still a war against them. Marky Mark saves the kids with the help of Bumblebee. The second set-piece takes place when Optimus flies to Cybertron only discovering more devastation took place. He encounters his ‘Maker” and she reprograms him to be Nemesis Prime. He then travels back to Earth so that he can bring Cybertron back to its original state. The third set-piece occurs when Marky Mark gets the medallion of the Last Knight and figures that it has to be an extremely valuable item. The fourth set-piece happens when the new Megan Fox, Vivian, is taken to the location of Anthony Hopkins along with Mark. Here a ton of exposition is explain in regards to their importance in what is happening, their ties to it from the past, and how to stop this from getting worse.

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The fifth set-piece occurs when Marky and Vivian venture to an underwater location for the Staff that is required to stop Cybertron. Optimus stops them and takes the Staff to the surface. Bumblebee frees Optimus from his brainwashing like Superman did for Batman, “Martha!”. He tells Optimus who he was and frees him but Megatron steals the Staff and brings it to the Maker. The sixth and final set-piece takes place when the team gets together, motivational speech and all, and fights back at the Maker and her minions. Optimus reintroduces himself over and over and takes down Megatron…again. They end up saving the Earth but ends up fusing Cybertron with it. Now their two worlds are now together at last. Mark kisses Vivian for a forces kiss and they live happily ever after.

CONCLUSION & RATING

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This film was pure garbage. The girl with a Z is not really in the movie much and the aspect ratio kept messing with my eyes. I wear glasses, so going from wide-screen to IMAX back and forth really did some damage. 12/20 vision baby. But the plot made zero sense and logically I am not the target audience though I grew up with Transformers. The film cuts so much it was hard to follow. If this is Michael Bay’s last film well so be it. Watching movie I learn about film makers and their style. This guy loves women with full lips just like Tarantino loves women feet, we all have fetishes but he sexualized every woman in his films so much that it felt awkward. Attracted yes but just too much.

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I give this movie a solid 2.5/5. Knowing 6 people either edited or wrote this, it shows. Nothing is really consistent. Optimus Prime saying “I am Optimus Prime” over and over I was like dude I know who you are. I am a fan of the series I know who you are. But yeah I didn’t get what I paid for so yeah better luck next time kid.

Thank you guys so much for checking out our review of Transformers: The Last Garbage, as promised Rough Night will be out soon. Please follow us on twitter @XagonENT and me @StefanHoward. As always guys have a great week and take it easy!

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