XAGON SPEAKS MOVIE REVIEW | BAYWATCH…RANT

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Good afternoon, ladies and gents I literally saw the worst movie of the year. My rating is a solid 1 out of 5. This movie isn’t even worth going in-depth with because that would imply this pieces of cinematic garbage had an actual plot. Let’s do this.

PLOT & SUMMERY

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Dwayne Johnson is the head of a life guard group on the “Bay” of a California beach. A drug smuggling ring is discovered after a drug known as Flaka is washed up on the Bay. Zack Efron is a washed up and disgraced swimmer for the U.S that is on community service and is given the chance to be apart of something bigger than himself. After a few dick measuring contests, these two along with the help of the other life guards must come together and save the Bay from Pryanka Chopra.

They settle their differences and work together. One learning to lighten up and the other learning to take life more serious. Chopra is killed by a fire work blasted into her body by The Rock and he crime syndicate is taken down. The life-guards then do the classic running on the beach from the TV series to close out the movie. Hence this piece of shit ends.

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CONCLUSION

Look this is the dumbest movie I have ever seen. Nothing makes sense in it what so ever.I left this movie extremely upset from what I paid to see. Yes I paid. I splashed out $9.50 on this garbage that I almost asked the cashier, “Really?” before I handed over my money. Why did I see it you may ask. I am a Dwayne Johnson fan. From The Fast series, as cheesy as it is, he gives the movie an extra kick. But knowing that he resurrected this series and filmed directed or produced it, I didn’t even researched to be fair for this review, he did an half-assed job. Sorry but this was not worth the digital film it was produced on. Watch any stupid buddy film like American Pie, anyone of them, or Date Movie or Movie 43. This is on the level of that and had materials to choose from but still somehow crap was produced.

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Lastly the depiction this movie puts on ‘Nerd” guys or nice guys in movies that can’t get the girl but eventually does in the end. Since things have changed in many forms outside of movies from different gender identities and the rise of SJWs, why not put that thematic from movies into the bin. You make it seen like every nerd is flawed to point of no return that the halo of a woman can make him normal. This screws with the mentality of simply teens. There were a number of teens who snuck into the movie that I thought to myself how impressionable are some of these. Stop placing so much importance in women and for a loner/nerd character to seek approval from them for a sense of normality. From the drench of feminism to this bull-crap I left triggered and angry by what I was seeing. Pathetic and a waste of money.

In all this was a waste of time and money. If you want to see a dumb movie watch American Pie, it’s a classic. But the glorification of a massive dude, a former coke-head actor, and pure eye candy is all you want to see this. You will lose a ton of brain cells and most likely regret even contributing to this crap. I learned the hard way.

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Thanks for checking out my kinda review/rant on this feces ridden movie. We do this as part of our company and as a hobby so a more thought-out review will be done for Wonder Woman this coming weekend. At the end of the day the Rock is a millionaire who can take these risks and embarrass himself and we are a group of people who type our opinions. Take it easy!

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